I can't really think of a title

I want to go home now! Stupid family pressuring me to hang around. I think I’ve fulfilled my being-an-asshole quota sufficiently for the next couple of months and can go back to being normal.

It’s weird, I have this inflated notion of how much I can get away with without alienating people down here and I always seem to feel the need to test the limits of that. The general result is that I have a couple of really fun nights and then spend the rest of the time trying not to remember them, eventually fleeing to Auckland in a cloud of disgrace. Nothing I’ve done has actually been that disgraceful, I mean, not as disgraceful as that other post suggested. The ‘near threesome’ was, for instance, nothing of the sort and the bar was mooned through a frosted window (and not alone). I know those didn’t sound like the best explanations, but in their contexts the incidents made more sense. The point is whether or not my deeds have been particularly bad, my attitude probably has. I’ve been too willing to get too wasted and have managed to be one of last party leavers way too often. Those shouldn’t be too bad in themselves but they combined with a really arrogant, self-interested attitude which makes me a really unpleasant person to be around. It’s like I take on the classic tourist position and make the whole thing about me having as much fun as I can with no concern for others.

Less than 2 weeks into my trip I’ve managed to be a dick to so many people that I’m really dreading going out. I have a dinner party to go to on Wednesday and I’m scared that my social skills have collapsed beyond the point of managing polite conversation. More profoundly, I’m scared that me and (some of) my Wellington friends no longer have anything in common and that if I talk to them sober or even at length, that will show up. There’s also the related fear that if I talk to them too long or without an escape clause (I was drunk blah blah) they’ll remember what a boring idiot I actually am and the false esteem they have for me due to my moving away will be damaged. It’s pretty stupid but this is the sort of thing that worries me. This, and what’s for dinner.