Saucy Minx/Mince

When I was a kid I was super into dried foods thanks to the description of the provisions in Fighting Fantasy books. I used to keep wanting a dehydrator for Christmas but I knew it wasn't really within the scope of acceptable presents. I bet that was not a future problem foreseen by Terry Brooks and that-guy-who-looked-like-an adult-baby when they sat down to write The Warlock of Firetop Mountain.

I've gotten into twitter lately. I don't have worry about paragraphing and I have a more tangible sense of readership than I do on here. I'm @scrabble_ideas

Yuck yucks

Just spent way longer than I should have trying to embed Hard Knock Life by Jay-Z on my page. Didn't work. Instead, when you come here, please sing it. If you've forgotten how it goes, just watch Austin Powers.

My blogging course did not have enough sign-ups to take place. I guess we should have mentioned that I was being run by the creator of Whoopi Goldblog.

Do you know anyone else who uses the word "howdy"? I only realized a couple of days ago that no-one says it. Ever. I say it. All the time.

I have been teaching too long, I got annoyed at the previous sentence because it lacked a subject and object.

That'll do for now. Stay fresh, vegetables!

An observation

The one thing better than erotic cakes? Sensual cakes.

This seemed like the most appropriate place to share that.

An open letter to C4

Dear C4,

Why do all your shows have to be about bad kids? I would love to see a show about kids who do all their homework and go to bed at 9:30. Maybe they could get some advice from their parents and then follow it. That would be right up my alley. You don't have to be crazy on drugs to have a good time; you can ride a bike, play a board game or learn a musical instrument.

Yours faithfully,

Chris

It was alleged that, in addition to having been sexually abused, they saw witches fly, traveled in a hot-air balloon, and were taken through underground tunnels. When shown a series of photographs by Danny Davis, the McMartins' lawyer, one child identified actor Chuck Norris as one of the abusers.

"Flippin tops mister!" They all say

So I'm always telling my students that the best way to get good at writing is to practice regularly and I figured I should probably give that a go myself. I'm often surprised by how crap I am at writing, I generally assume that i'm going to write something awesome until I get distracted and junk.

School's pretty shitty. All my students are whingey little dicks who need to grow up. I end up spending hours of my time working on stuff so that they can get away with being lazy.

I can't help but feel this comeuppance for being such a dick during high school. I was having a cry about how shit my students are going to be with their speeches and then I remembered that I performed my 4th form speech completely drunk out of my gourd. I stumbled up to the front of the room, said about 5 words and then wandered off round the school for about 20 minutes. I can't believe I didn't get in trouble for that.

I made a class website but its just full of insults

Wham

I have a whole lot of advice to give but all the advice is pretty specific and not very usable outside of a few very specific situations. For instance:

- If you have to bust a kid for smoking, don't actually say what they're being busted for; just tell them that they have to follow you. They get all confused and don't get the chance to plead their innocence.